Seventy nine

I am pursuing photography from a decade. From the last two years, I had lost interest in photography. I was doing that but not with the enthusiasm of the beginning. Reading blogs, books and Youtube, I learnt that professionals don't care for mood, creativity or getting bored of doing a thing, they keep doing what they are doing. I too used similar mantra here. Whether I liked it or not I keep shooting and editing photos. Often it was boring and frustrating. Again I am back to photography and trying to even videography. It is obvious that I am spending more time on review sites and checking out prices. Though it doesn't help in improving photography, reading about gear and technology is fun. 

Seventy eight

Today is my daughter's result day! She is not worried. Worry is a big word at the age of 10. She is more concerned about her Youtube access than results. Here we are in the next generation. I am really not sure about the need for handwriting, and all those things taught in the school are relevant in 2030. The technology and the world is changing too fast. I really don't know what to teach her. But logic and common sense are needed forever. But there are hardly any tools and course to explain these two skill sets. I am also trying to teach her resilience, it is so difficult to teach. As a parent, I don't want to put her in difficult situations. However, without rough patches, you hardly learn lessons which no school nor university would teach. I am finding a way to stimulate conditions which seems harsh to her.  

Seventy seven

I keep reading many personality developments, productivity and positive thinking kind of books. It is a kind of addiction. Very often I failed to put them in practice. I was introduced to these kinds of books by my grandfather. I don't think he read these books. Because our home library doesn't contain this kind of books. He was worried about me and must have bought them exclusively for me. Now after more than 40 years, one strange realisation happened to me. Most of the things written in these books were practised by my grandfather in his day to day life. How did he know all these things? No idea, but a tough childhood, stressful life, in the beginning, must have taught him these pearls of wisdom. He accomplished great stuff in his life, and I think he wanted some of his kids or grand-kids would follow his footsteps. Unfortunately, none of us rose to his height. I would say we all got too much of comfort in life. 

Seventy six

From the past few months, my skin allergy has gone up. It is irresistible and you end up scratching and more you scratch more itching will popup. I found the same thing with shopping. One lens review would lead you to the shopping site and you are looking all around. This leads to taking a look at a new camera or a tripod or a flash. The chain is endless. Forcibly you move out away from the internet, it will subsidise and senses come back. It is true with itching also. If itching temptation is too high, you distract is by watching something or reading something or go for a jog, it will subside and eventually disappear. 

Seventy five

My flirting with stock market dates back to 2009. Somehow I failed to sustain the interest and momentum in investing. After one year of active investing, reading tons of books, I slipped back to passive investment through mutual funds. Whenever I hate to go to work, I wished I had financial retirement and do something else, I am stuck in the same job. When this topic pops up in the brain again, I get motivated to go to the stock market to make some money. I know after a decade in the market that becoming a real millionaire is a slow process. This year again I have started with the stock market, but not with great enthusiasm. Let me see how does it go. I also know that most of the wealthiest people on this planet got there by being in the right place at the right time and doing the right thing! Hoping luck favours ready mind, I am taking this jump. 

Seventy four

Discerning noise from signal in life brings mental peace. But often I found myself enjoying the noise. Because enjoying noise allow you to procrastinate. Why do I procrastinate? I found that I avoid certain uncomfortable situations. When I force myself into doing the things I don't want to do, I will finish the work and feel great about that. 

Seventy three

I missed two days of blogging. "Routine is the enemy of time" was the comment of a cyclist, who quit his job to cycling. According to him, if you fall into regular time fly fast and you will never notice that. Partially I agree with him. But routines make your life easy and you can focus on other things in life. We have more things to do than a snake. That is what my daughter said. We were rescuing a  baby snake of the common Krait. The snake was small but very aggressive.  After a few attempts, we were able to move the snake to a safe place. I was wondering why was that so aggressive. My daughter said, all other animals need to defend enemy, eat and sleep and they are not humans. Humans have a lot of other things to do than just survival. I was stunned to hear this thing from a 10-year-old. 

Seventy two

Will power. I read and experienced the fact is that will power is not an infinite quantity. Often we forget that the brain is an organ just like leg or hand or heart or liver. It works like any other organ. It also would vary in its capacity to carry out stuff, just like some are good runners and some are not. In 100 meter finals of Olympics, you hardly find any white skin man/women. Why? Because they can't compete with a sports person from African origin, whose muscle built is unique for fast contrasting and giving the burst. Similarly, our brain has a different capacity to carry out tough tasks. Some have more willpower as compared to others. Further, if you use willpower in the morning in resisting buying an online phone, soon after you are offered a super calorie-rich food, you can't resist that food. Why? Because you have already used up your willpower in opposing of buying the phone. I just stated a simple example, but that is how it works. 

Seventy one

Today was Holi, colour's festival. My daughter was too excited about it. She got up so early and was asking me, can we fast forward the time. What a question! A kid has all possibilities. When I was a kid, I was so sure that, one day I will see God, and wanted to ask for 3 boons. I was confused about what to ask, so I thought long and wrote down three boons and kept below the pillow. These infinite possibilities slowly disappear as they grow up. Older you get, more pessimistic you become. I need to find a way to be more optimistic and think like a kid. 

Seventy

As an amateur, I spend a lot of time on photography forums and review sites. From the past 10 years, I have learnt many tricks and intricacies of photography. In most photography forums, we talk more about the sharp photo and less about art. Whenever, I come across pro photographers in marriage, sports or any other function, I am astonished to know that they don't understand many technicalities and relevance of camera, light and composition. I also found that they don't read any reviews before buying the camera (all this applies to India not sure about the rest of the world). But at the end of the photo session, they have more keepers than us. What do they do? In their world, photography is learnt via peer learning. They have a bunch of settings for each situation and function. Aperture, white balance, flash, lens focal length and ISO setting all are well defined. For situation A, setting X is used, for situation B, setting Y is used- simple and straight forward formula.  Camera buying depends on market demand since customers are aware of full frame, APS-C etc.; before hiring, customers would ask what camera and lens will you use for my function? Therefore, even though a low-end camera would suffice the purpose, the pro will buy the high-end camera to satisfy the customer demand. Apart from that pro photographer will decide his camera based on opinions from their professional friends, service centres and camera shops. I really don't think they read a lot of reviews. A pro knows that Canon 5DMark IV or Nikon 850 or Sony A7R are fail-proof, fancy looking and proven market models. One more reason they buy only these cameras because it is easy to find used lenses, spare parts and the most important thing - there is always a fellow pro photographer is there to teach menus, settings of these cameras. 

Sixty nine

Time is like carrying water in a sieve. Before I realized I had missed two days of blogging. Often I realized that it is extremely difficult to understand human behaviour. Nowadays I found that understanding my own behaviour and mood is also difficult. So large part of our own brain is beyond our grasp. Therefore, I need to think twice before reaching a conclusion. The conclusion on any given topic is not final it is flexible. 

Sixty eight

When I am cycling or walking, I will get some ideas and plan to write on them. But I forget it later. So next time whenever I get an idea I should write and keep it. The weekend is getting over fast many things to finish. Tomorrow morning I should go for photography for sure. I also plan to go for a long cycle ride. I purposefully won't do it, or Youtube is stealing it? I have no clue. Getting inspired by reading great stuff is so easy but putting that to action is so difficult. I have to find ways to get rid of short term gratifications. Oh today, I am also supposed to learn some amount of Video editing. I have to finish that, I have set a target to myself- if I complete making the video, I will buy that software. 

Sixty seven

The exam is history and marks are the mystery - live in the present! This is what told by my daughter when I asked her about the exam. Humans are evolving fast. Generation gaps are reducing, even a couple of years can have a generation gap. I am trying my best to keep her with. But born in the 70s and adjusting to the present day is tough. I think our generation is the one who went through a maximum transition of the digital era. Started with cassette player to CD player, MP3 player to online listening. This transition happened from photos, bank, shopping and many more. If you really want to experience this transition, just put off wifi and mobile data for a week!

Sixty six

I am unable to write anything. This means I haven't spent time on introspection or thinking. We don't sit idle in the smartphone era. All companies want us to spend time on their website. When you are forced to think; you tend to think. Is it called meditation? Maybe. Every day my daughter asks for a story; from the past 6 years, I am telling a story every day. She forces me to think about a new story every day. Often I was frustrated with this. Because, every day I can't create an original story and as she grew, she demanded more complicated and compelling stories. But eventually, she forced me to think. For being creative, we have to spend time without doing anything.

Sixty five

Each task looks humungous in the beginning. I wonder what shall I do, how do I complete this. I will procrastinate that. But eventually, I have to do that and finish it. This feeling is exactly like the first plunge into the swimming pool during a cold day. Once you are in the water, you are fine. Mostly it is the brain that doesn't want to change the comfort of the moment. It is true with cycling also. I have to change the dress, wear the helmet and gloves, the brain resist till it can. So the secret of getting ahead is getting started.  

Sixty four

Thoughts keep repeating. We love ourselves more than anything else in life. Therefore sacrifices and selfless act are highlighted and get attention. Often I don't like my personality. Sometimes I feel that I am wearing a mask. The question bothers me is " Am I really good person?" or " acting like a good person". When you act like someone for a very long time, you become that person, isn't it? 

Sixty three

Yesterday was the first serious step towards learning Video making. The learning curve is steep. Just like photography. If someone thinks, he knows photography and could easily shift to making the video, it is not true. Things to learn are,

1. Gear- camera and lens
2. Voice- mike and voice recording devices 
3. Tripod or gimbal for stable footage
4. ND filters for bright light
5. Lighting 
6. Video formats, raw, bit rate etc
7. Software editing
8. Story and script 

I hope my list is comprehensive and long.  

Sixty two

All life is a race. Shall I pause and enjoy or work hard and do something great? Why we want our names to be remembered forever? What drives a  few people beyond their limit. Aren't, they fool, not enjoying a the day to day life? Afterlife is over, you don't exist and whatever you achieve or don't achieve immaterial — plenty of confusion and controversy. Here I am, caught between a lazy philosophy and becoming a great philosophy. 

Sixty one

Today I am late to log. Passing the time with Youtube and review sites. Testing waters for learning cinematography. Starting with a gimbal. I am searching, do I need one? Since I have a camera with sensor stabilisation. I also downloaded the trial version of Corel video studio. Still, this is not an uncomfortable zone. I have to find really some awkward things to do. Cold water bath for a month, or a month without sugar, or complete fasting for 24 h or bare minimum budget month.  

Sixty

Facing the wrong things in life is difficult. Yesterday I was reading a blog urging me to be prepared. It is a valid point. But our brain is a different beast. It always understands good and bad. However, we often fail to follow what is right in the long term. Because long term rewards will not give pleasure or happiness as short term laziness would provide. Though we are the only mammals who can visualise the at to come future, still most of our brain is primate one, looking for short term gain or even avoid to think in the long term.

I need to make a list of things which I need to do put me out of my comfort zone. That would familiarise me to face the unwanted stuff.

Fifty nine

My brain is an unusual one. I get perturbed by small incidents. The mind would replay the whole episode. I think all the alternatives for the given event. I wish I had spoken that way, or I had taken that action or I shouldn't have said those words. But the incident is passed, and I can't do anything about that. These replays continue until the brain gets tired or it has one more incident to worry about. Sometimes I am frustrated and often fascinated by this. Even though there are many more significant things to worry about, I find more interest in worrying about mundane things. It is like itching. Once you start itching, that will lead more itching.

Fifty eight

My daughter wanted to sleep alone. She kept alarm to get up early. I had no idea about her plans. Early morning, I observed someone moving around, I thought my wife got up, and she was to go on an office tour. But I found her sleeping. Oh, my daughter, up by 5 AM and she is getting ready for school. She took a cold shower and prepared by 5.30 Am. She gave me a hug and woke me up, oh what a surprise. The story is not over yet. She was reluctant to sleep again because school opens only at 7.30 Am. I asked her to rest for a while. At 7.10 Am, I called her, get up time to go to school. She looked at the clock, horror struck as if the whole world crashed on her; crying rolling on the ground, I am not able to reason it out. She said, all her effort was to be the first student to be there at school by 7 AM.

Now my wife is angry. She is upset that you should not allow all these things, getting up so early etc. I had to convince her that, this is the fun of childhood, freedom is an essential part of growing up, but she is not convinced.

Oh, this morning I was trying to calm two women! Crazy........

Fifty seven

Getting off the bus is comfortable and getting on often tricky. Now the third month of the new year, I am struggling to stick to the plan I had at the beginning of the year.

Losing the ground is common but gaining back the tricky part. So I need to keep my goals pinned on the desktop and stick to that. I also started to keep a record of losing the way in between, That would help me to gauge my true self-discipline vs assumed self-discipline.

So easy to set goals and difficult to achieve them. I need to build a system to make them. 

Fifty six

I upgraded the Computer. PC. This time it was a desperate attempt to make the computer future proof. I ended up spending money beyond my budget.

PC is home. I have an original Windows 10 home license. Because many people in India don't know the fact OS is bought, they think that it is part of the computer. Windows updating is a pain. Many bluescreens and incompatibilities, after more than 20 hours of effort computer is working smoothly. Wait, why Google Chrome is not working? Yes, Microsoft edge working but not chrome. After spending more than 3 hours on the internet, found a temporary solution. Not happy but it is working.

This is the reason why people don't want to change. The learning curve is steep, the adaptation process is painful, and the insecurity feeling is always there. We will learn only when we are in an uncomfortable zone, we learn when the system doesn't work as expected. But inherent lethargy would inhibit us. Deliberately we have to get out of our comfort zone. I should get into an uncomfortable area, step by step if not a dramatic shift. 

Fifty five

Why am  I right always? I feel I am right, I know for sure the rest of the world is stupid. How can they be so stupid, can't they understand the simplest things? It is not just my thought, most of us think so. Strange isn't it? Maybe our brain evolved to think it is the best? why so? Need to find out.

Fifty four

My PC is down. I am typing on a Mac. Small laptop, easy to carry and use. I tried my best to shift to the Apple ecosystem. I was introduced to the computer in late 2000. That was the first time I learnt about the mouse, keyboard etc. From that day till now I am using Windows. I felt Mac has a steep learning curve. We are so accustomed to C, D or E drives, and partition data. However, on Mac, it is so challenging to arrange the data. I have to go through tons of Youtube hours to learn and shift to Mac. I felt not worth it. So I use Mac for travelling and occasionally do web browsing.